-crying mode-

sedih..only God knows how it feels...when u have a desire to do something.. when you keep passion to done it..when you keep everything towards what you want....and suddenly you make a mistake...then you feel its like the world doesn't need you anymore....no...it crash..just like that...sedih.. i know i make a mistake..but what really make me feel horrible is me, my self... i feel like i'm useless..being in this position in what i want and need so much really stress me out... with all the burden that i need to carry...make me really sad..now  i keep thinking how hard it is for me to be here...to be into this "life" that i choose..when everyone that you love the most sacrifices everything..giving everything to you..with all those love and hope..i feel terrible...today i feel like its so hard to carry all those burden..feel like to turning back...just straight focus with other things...but did i really really can let it go just like that...did i really can just simply give up?? or should i?? 

what should i do? keep focus? turning back? give up? have a rest? stop thinking...or just go on and let it be without any effort? (simply said : biarlah..wat je mcm biasa.ikut la apa nak jadi), or its your choice... why must care with other? THIS IS NOT ME... my mind will keep thinking..and i just cant stop it....!!!!!! their faces..love..hope...and my desire..my ambition! hahahhaa..who cares? I CARE! without them..i'm nothing!!

madam.. i'm sorry.. i made mistake and i promise i will not do that again.. i feel horrible with this bad and terrible attitude...its really make me feel bad..sorry.. will not do that again..never!

madam... i feel so sad... no strength.. feel want to give up..useless..seeing you make me remember of her... now i feel really bad... how can i turn down her hope? she put all her faith on me...but with this horrible attitude....oh My Godness!

be strong! yeah...even though it seems like i'm not so strong! need to...as i need to fulfilled my promise... last 27th May, 2010..i had made this promise! and i will keep with this! whatever it be...here i am..always be strong! keep focus Niza..as time goes by... you will be much more stronger and those sadness will fly away...what you need to know and remember is your promise..your goal and their loves!

FOCUS NIZA!