merdeka day vs. criminal's assignment

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Selamat hari kemerdekaan yang ke-53 MALAYSIA! semoga kemakmuran, keamanan dan kesejahteraan kekal buat kita selama-lamanya...

sebenarnya tujuan entry ni ditulis bukanlah semata mata kerana hari ni hari kemerdekaan kita..bukannya apa bila dah besar ni hari apa pun sama je kan? tambah-tambah lagi kalau tengah keje menimbun..hurm..bukan tak nak menghayati atau celebrate...tapi klu dah nak mcm giler keluar terlolong tanpa ada sedikit pengertian pun pasal kemerdekaan..sorry..that not suite me k...memang tak de celebrate..tpi for me...it enough if today klu kita sedekahkan al-fatihah pada pejuang2 kita dan berdoa semoga negara kita sentia terpelihara and thats is what i'm doing today...AMIN..

yang bestnye ari ni aku terperangkap kat firm(kelas) ni sorang2 sebab nak kena fahamkan balik question assignment criminal yg nak kena siap b4 2nd Sept...aduh..pening..serius...dari kul 1.30 tadi sampai la sekarang kul 5...memang tak faham..hurm..tah la..criminal oh criminal..sebenarnya aku tkt ngan subjek bi..susah...entah nape otak ngan conscious aku tk jalan klu masuk bab subjek ni..tak faham2...klu civil..bleh je aku kelentong org walaupun aku sendri tak brape ingat segala provision..entah la susah bebenar...aduh..semoga aku dapat siapkan asignment ni ye..hahah..

my new life

everything is different.. yes it is..after 6 months waited, i entered this new life of BLACK & WHITE on 5th July 2010.. i was very grateful with t

MY BAD BAD SIDE OF ME.. ;(

1. crying..can't stop it...
2. simply sensitive
3. keep thinking about something
4. too sympathy
5. too devoted with something..its gonna kill me as it is in negative way
6. always think to give up! i must hate this word so much!
7. cant make my own decision.. i can but in certain time and circumstances..all the time i hate to choose
8. tend to regret... reggggreeettt!
9. i cant be a leader/ boss.. why? first. i give an order..then i'm the one who will finish everything.. second, i will be hate so much because of my dictatorship
10. too perfectionist..this too will killing me
11. money...please keep me away...if not...i will finish it in a minute..bad!
12. time...i need more time!
13. tend to be annoying when people around me is annoying
14. clearly see in my face when i don't like something..its shows babe...
15. too loyalty! huh..what kind of disease it is?
16. too much care with other's perception..
17. always homesick! this is not good dear...
18. can't stick with something...too boring!
19. sometime too defensive..and sometime too weak..hurm! this is not balance
20. moody..yes moody!
21. too serious..!


this is bad!!!

-crying mode-

sedih..only God knows how it feels...when u have a desire to do something.. when you keep passion to done it..when you keep everything towards what you want....and suddenly you make a mistake...then you feel its like the world doesn't need you anymore....no...it crash..just like that...sedih.. i know i make a mistake..but what really make me feel horrible is me, my self... i feel like i'm useless..being in this position in what i want and need so much really stress me out... with all the burden that i need to carry...make me really sad..now  i keep thinking how hard it is for me to be here...to be into this "life" that i choose..when everyone that you love the most sacrifices everything..giving everything to you..with all those love and hope..i feel terrible...today i feel like its so hard to carry all those burden..feel like to turning back...just straight focus with other things...but did i really really can let it go just like that...did i really can just simply give up?? or should i?? 

what should i do? keep focus? turning back? give up? have a rest? stop thinking...or just go on and let it be without any effort? (simply said : biarlah..wat je mcm biasa.ikut la apa nak jadi), or its your choice... why must care with other? THIS IS NOT ME... my mind will keep thinking..and i just cant stop it....!!!!!! their faces..love..hope...and my desire..my ambition! hahahhaa..who cares? I CARE! without them..i'm nothing!!

madam.. i'm sorry.. i made mistake and i promise i will not do that again.. i feel horrible with this bad and terrible attitude...its really make me feel bad..sorry.. will not do that again..never!

madam... i feel so sad... no strength.. feel want to give up..useless..seeing you make me remember of her... now i feel really bad... how can i turn down her hope? she put all her faith on me...but with this horrible attitude....oh My Godness!

be strong! yeah...even though it seems like i'm not so strong! need to...as i need to fulfilled my promise... last 27th May, 2010..i had made this promise! and i will keep with this! whatever it be...here i am..always be strong! keep focus Niza..as time goes by... you will be much more stronger and those sadness will fly away...what you need to know and remember is your promise..your goal and their loves!

FOCUS NIZA!