Sunday, October 10, 2010

crying and painful ::mode::

hari ni adalah kali ke dua aku nangis lagi sejak dr pertama kali aku masuk LLB.... regret?? so many things yg wat aku regret kali ni....so many thing? LLB? entah la..aku konpius...cuma aku tak tahan..aku tak tahan sebab masalah lain yg menyebabkan aku penat...LLB dah cukup penat..nape mesti ada faktor lain yg nak ganggu?? ari ni dari aku bangun sampai sekarang..asyik nak nangis je..betul tak tipu...tadi time lunch ngan eza...aku dah nangis....kat kedai makan plak tu...aduh...malu...sampai kat kelas..kuar dr keta aku nangis lagi..tunggu lif pun aku nangis lagi....ym ngan adik aku pun aku nangis lagi...adeh..susah betul kalau tak leh nak control ni...penat la weh..penat....


ape yg aku regret...
1. aku tak wat betul2 time test criminal semalam
2. aku bukan anak yg baik walau berjuta kali aku cuba...aku asyik terbayang berapa byk duit yg aku dah guna...
3. aku berdosa pada diri aku sndiri...amalan aku..yg aku amik mudah
4. aku cuba utk look tough and perfect depan org..tapi aku gagal
5. aku cuba tak nak amik peduli and kisah pasal org lain...aku dah wat da...tapi org sentiasa attack aku bila aku watsalah..sdangkan bila org lain wat salah..aku wat tak tau je...tak kisah and lantak la....even though benda tu effect aku
6. bila aku marah atau tegur..ada org kisah? ygdiorang tau nak kutuk aku cr kesalahan aku je....mampus ar....
7. aku cuba wat baik..aku penah kisah pasal hal duit...tapi org tak penah nak sedar.... duit ku tak perlu bayar aku kena bayar....aku bayar aku tak ungkit...tapi klu lambat aku kena maki.....so mulai ari ni...aku tak halal kan apa yg diorang amik dr aku..yg diorang makan dr aku.....sebab org tak penah bersyukur
8. bila aku wat baik..org pijak kepala aku...ok fine
9. exam dah nak dekat....aku rindu ngan family...byk yg ak tak habis blaja...mcm mana?


so...ari ni gak aku dah decide sumthing.... 
1. aku nak kuat kan balik diri aku...klu boleh aku nak penuhkkan amalan aku
2. stady leave ni aku nk balik umh..ak rindu mak ngan abah....aku nak blaja betul2
mulai ari ni aku nak settlekan suma keja..then aku nak stady...aku nak bayaq balik hutang aku kat suma subjek yg aku tak baca lagi......aku mesti kena ingat janji aku...aku mesti wat...
3. masa exam...klu tak leh hidup gak..aku kn tinggal besfriend aku, kimah... aku nak gi duk umah makwa...pagi2 aku kuar library...mlm2 aku balik....nanti ak explain kat mak wa....
4. nex sem aku pindah umah..nak bilik sendiri...aku kena cr sekarang
5. minta maaf kat cik hanis...aku tak leh truskan duk umah tu..... aku halal part aku yg dia makan....aku sentiasa doa dia dpt wat llb nex sem....chaiyok kawan......aku nak minta maaf gak aku mungkin tak leh temankan dia time konvo ni...aku minta maaf
6. mulai ari ni tak nak pk apa2 lagi...aku nak focus exam...walau aku tau ada yg aku mungkin fail...aku tetap nak wat..supaya aku tak fail..aku percaya selagi tak exam and slagi result tak kuar...aku mesti bleh wat.....
7. aku akan sentiasa meminima kan penggunaa duit...so that aku tak yah minta kat abah krap2...aku tau skarang time adik2 aku..bukan aku lagi....aku janji..aku akan dapat result yg baik dan keja yg baik.....
8. aku mencuba untuk jadi yg terbaik..cukup untuk diri aku sendiri, mak abah family dan org2 terdekat aku yg aku sayang.........


with love;
niza

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

merdeka day vs. criminal's assignment

-vs-     
Selamat hari kemerdekaan yang ke-53 MALAYSIA! semoga kemakmuran, keamanan dan kesejahteraan kekal buat kita selama-lamanya...

sebenarnya tujuan entry ni ditulis bukanlah semata mata kerana hari ni hari kemerdekaan kita..bukannya apa bila dah besar ni hari apa pun sama je kan? tambah-tambah lagi kalau tengah keje menimbun..hurm..bukan tak nak menghayati atau celebrate...tapi klu dah nak mcm giler keluar terlolong tanpa ada sedikit pengertian pun pasal kemerdekaan..sorry..that not suite me k...memang tak de celebrate..tpi for me...it enough if today klu kita sedekahkan al-fatihah pada pejuang2 kita dan berdoa semoga negara kita sentia terpelihara and thats is what i'm doing today...AMIN..

yang bestnye ari ni aku terperangkap kat firm(kelas) ni sorang2 sebab nak kena fahamkan balik question assignment criminal yg nak kena siap b4 2nd Sept...aduh..pening..serius...dari kul 1.30 tadi sampai la sekarang kul 5...memang tak faham..hurm..tah la..criminal oh criminal..sebenarnya aku tkt ngan subjek bi..susah...entah nape otak ngan conscious aku tk jalan klu masuk bab subjek ni..tak faham2...klu civil..bleh je aku kelentong org walaupun aku sendri tak brape ingat segala provision..entah la susah bebenar...aduh..semoga aku dapat siapkan asignment ni ye..hahah..

Saturday, August 21, 2010

my new life

everything is different.. yes it is..after 6 months waited, i entered this new life of BLACK & WHITE on 5th July 2010.. i was very grateful with t

Thursday, August 19, 2010

MY BAD BAD SIDE OF ME.. ;(

1. crying..can't stop it...
2. simply sensitive
3. keep thinking about something
4. too sympathy
5. too devoted with something..its gonna kill me as it is in negative way
6. always think to give up! i must hate this word so much!
7. cant make my own decision.. i can but in certain time and circumstances..all the time i hate to choose
8. tend to regret... reggggreeettt!
9. i cant be a leader/ boss.. why? first. i give an order..then i'm the one who will finish everything.. second, i will be hate so much because of my dictatorship
10. too perfectionist..this too will killing me
11. money...please keep me away...if not...i will finish it in a minute..bad!
12. time...i need more time!
13. tend to be annoying when people around me is annoying
14. clearly see in my face when i don't like something..its shows babe...
15. too loyalty! huh..what kind of disease it is?
16. too much care with other's perception..
17. always homesick! this is not good dear...
18. can't stick with something...too boring!
19. sometime too defensive..and sometime too weak..hurm! this is not balance
20. moody..yes moody!
21. too serious..!


this is bad!!!

-crying mode-

sedih..only God knows how it feels...when u have a desire to do something.. when you keep passion to done it..when you keep everything towards what you want....and suddenly you make a mistake...then you feel its like the world doesn't need you anymore....no...it crash..just like that...sedih.. i know i make a mistake..but what really make me feel horrible is me, my self... i feel like i'm useless..being in this position in what i want and need so much really stress me out... with all the burden that i need to carry...make me really sad..now  i keep thinking how hard it is for me to be here...to be into this "life" that i choose..when everyone that you love the most sacrifices everything..giving everything to you..with all those love and hope..i feel terrible...today i feel like its so hard to carry all those burden..feel like to turning back...just straight focus with other things...but did i really really can let it go just like that...did i really can just simply give up?? or should i?? 

what should i do? keep focus? turning back? give up? have a rest? stop thinking...or just go on and let it be without any effort? (simply said : biarlah..wat je mcm biasa.ikut la apa nak jadi), or its your choice... why must care with other? THIS IS NOT ME... my mind will keep thinking..and i just cant stop it....!!!!!! their faces..love..hope...and my desire..my ambition! hahahhaa..who cares? I CARE! without them..i'm nothing!!

madam.. i'm sorry.. i made mistake and i promise i will not do that again.. i feel horrible with this bad and terrible attitude...its really make me feel bad..sorry.. will not do that again..never!

madam... i feel so sad... no strength.. feel want to give up..useless..seeing you make me remember of her... now i feel really bad... how can i turn down her hope? she put all her faith on me...but with this horrible attitude....oh My Godness!

be strong! yeah...even though it seems like i'm not so strong! need to...as i need to fulfilled my promise... last 27th May, 2010..i had made this promise! and i will keep with this! whatever it be...here i am..always be strong! keep focus Niza..as time goes by... you will be much more stronger and those sadness will fly away...what you need to know and remember is your promise..your goal and their loves!
FOCUS NIZA!